Not wanting memories

Not that I have so many

like those who remember it all,

who recall every little detail,

every look, every sound and action

who re-tell every tall tale,

these things that make us who we are,

re-live as if to make us understand

they are real --

I am wishing I had no memories at all.

And yet, I need

to honor the sum of what

I know to be the absolute truth

about myself in order to live.

In the morning, I must open the curtains

and let the sun flow into the room

as I would welcome the blood

into my heart

for another minute, hour, or day.

I listen to silence

wait and am patient

and listen to the silence

in the company of myself

tho’ it is frightful –

I try to remember it is by choice

not abandonment.

I breathe in the air as if

standing on the foundation

of my steadfast principles --

the commandments of my soul --

I know them, I do.

Are they enough

to start the day?

I work with my hands

I spread smiles like seeds

I look up to see the sun

I look down to see

the path I travel

I see, I really see,

the beauty, the possibility

in everything.

I listen.  I imagine

where I can be of service.

Is it enough

to keep me alive?

I have the time now.

I take the time now.

It is my present and my future.

I need to honor the sum of what

I know to be absolutely true

in order to live.

Otherwise, there are tears

of things past
and it is too much to bear.