13th month of 2020

She said, “The year has flown by.”

My son-in-law said, “Sometimes it feels that way.”

I thought, “What year was she living in?”

 

This year has lasted half my life.

This year has nearly stolen my sanity,

I can’t even remember the year before this one --

or the one before that, or the one before that –

it was so long ago. 

 

Every day is Groundhog Day.

I too, see my shadow day after day.

It shortens the view of my larger world

and lengthens my fears at night.

 

Let’s be honest, this year was soul crushing,

heart breaking, body debilitating.

And that’s just those of us still alive.

 

My days are constructs of pretense.

 

June, I fantasized, I was on sabbatical 

exploring how to be creative, to solve problems, 

to express thoughts to others.

 

November, I conjured myself a cabin in the woods 

trapped by a snowstorm of indeterminate length,

imagining warmth, baking muffins, making soup.

 

Month 13, I now assume I’m under house arrest 

by an unknown benevolent master

for being insolent, or naughty.

 

Let’s be honest, this year is soul crushing --

we are living with all the symptoms of depression by default.

And that’s just those of us who are terribly, terribly fortunate.        

 

January 18, 2021

S. Olivier