Making a home

when I come back in another life

I want to buy houses

and renovate kitchens

and plant gardens

and then move on

and buy another house

and renovate another kitchen

and plant another garden

and put fresh flowers

into the house

and make it a home

when I come back in another life

I want to buy houses

and renovate kitchens

and plant gardens

and work in the sunshine

and build fires in the winter

and then

I want to do it all again

and again and again

until I am home

in my heart

The airport

Musing upon arrival

reviewing my trip

the weather, the kids, the food –

all restoring my desire to

continue the farce

and then,

a little ahead I see a couple

side by side

and in a instant

they glance at one another

smile, lightly embrace

a side by side hug

and it was all over.

Everything about the week

was all over

in an instant.

Good dream

(4 verses with 4 lines and 4 beats per line)

It’s been eight years

since I saw you

and was neither

sad nor broken.

You held my hand

I was consoled

it seemed normal

I was happy,

No hospital

bed in the bed

room and no look

of vacancy.

Now, when I sleep

I know I can

see you and be

at peace all night.

O Come, O Come Emanuel

Hush daughter, breath low and slow, low and slow.

Imagine a cross-section of a lake --

its surface at eye level smooth and blank

when nine pebbles (in a line) fall to the depths below.

Hush daughter, be still and silent as stone,

We may march into that cold lake of lost souls.

We will wade into the water of fears.

And white skin will soak up our blood, sweat, and tears.

Wake daughter, and run, and cry, run and cry

Nine bullets dragged their bodies through the veil.

Grab each one and become the tattered kite tail

as all fly above and pierce the sky.

Rise up daughter and blast into the light.

We shall overcome the tale of that sorry night.

The hair dryer and me

I love it here in my bed with my hair dryer:

a wind tunnel of warmth in my blanketed cave--

elbow aloft, tented for safety, a sleep slave,

curled in comfort, stilled in limbo, need I arise?

Many events wrought me here to this single bed:

riding horses, swimming across rivers, making

lists, being kissed, saying goodbye, “apron strings”;

taking care, doing my best, saying hello, “death”.

The day begun and yet is done, the bright sun fades.

I, at ease under my covers, a fetal knot --

These days of life for which the first were made are not

as enticing as they once were and now have frayed.

So stay! Lulled in sleep, snug as a bug in a rug,

cozy as it is, what I wouldn’t give for a hug.

Stalking gardeners

I woke up in sleep

I dozed driving to UPS

and saw myself return

2 cardboard boxes.

Then I drifted over to park

in the little triangle lot

and floated to Starbucks

where I ordered a tall skinny

caramel macchiato

with 2 raw sugars.

Then I imagined walking back

to where the boys were working

and working with them

for a couple of hours.

Then I woke up
and did it all.

Not wanting memories

Not that I have so many

like those who remember it all,

who recall every little detail,

every look, every sound and action

who re-tell every tall tale,

these things that make us who we are,

re-live as if to make us understand

they are real --

I am wishing I had no memories at all.

And yet, I need

to honor the sum of what

I know to be the absolute truth

about myself in order to live.

In the morning, I must open the curtains

and let the sun flow into the room

as I would welcome the blood

into my heart

for another minute, hour, or day.

I listen to silence

wait and am patient

and listen to the silence

in the company of myself

tho’ it is frightful –

I try to remember it is by choice

not abandonment.

I breathe in the air as if

standing on the foundation

of my steadfast principles --

the commandments of my soul --

I know them, I do.

Are they enough

to start the day?

I work with my hands

I spread smiles like seeds

I look up to see the sun

I look down to see

the path I travel

I see, I really see,

the beauty, the possibility

in everything.

I listen.  I imagine

where I can be of service.

Is it enough

to keep me alive?

I have the time now.

I take the time now.

It is my present and my future.

I need to honor the sum of what

I know to be absolutely true

in order to live.

Otherwise, there are tears

of things past
and it is too much to bear.