Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Not wanting memories

Not that I have so many
like those who remember it all,
who recall every little detail,
every look, every sound and action
who re-tell every tall tale,
these things that make us who we are,
re-live as if to make us understand
they are real --
I am wishing I had no memories at all.

And yet, I need
to honor the sum of what
I know to be the absolute truth
about myself in order to live.

In the morning, I must open the curtains
and let the sun flow into the room
as I would welcome the blood
into my heart
for another minute, hour, or day.

I listen to silence
wait and am patient
and listen to the silence
in the company of myself
tho’ it is frightful –
I try to remember it is by choice
not abandonment.

I breathe in the air as if
standing on the foundation
of my steadfast principles --
the commandments of my soul --
I know them, I do.
Are they enough
to start the day?

I work with my hands
I spread smiles like seeds
I look up to see the sun
I look down to see
the path I travel
I see, I really see,
the beauty, the possibility
in everything.
I listen.  I imagine
where I can be of service.
Is it enough
to keep me alive?

I have the time now.
I take the time now.
It is my present and my future.

I need to honor the sum of what
I know to be absolutely true
in order to live.

Otherwise, there are tears
of things past
and it is too much to bear.

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