Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Dearest Mommie

I can remember you round , but when you left me, you were but a bird.
Like a nestling.

Yesterday I curled up on my bed,
just as you used to do
-- my head on the pillow, the pillow folded on my shoulder,
my knees tucked up and the coverlet I am resting on
snuggled around me -- like a nest.

I remember napping with you
except you were the only one
doing the napping.

I remember doing my homework with you and it was a joy,
you, the ever patient teacher.

I remember you boating with daddy, golfing with daddy, having coffee and donuts -- powdered sugar donuts -- with daddy; just going for a ride with daddy. Ever ready to go with.

And when we went shopping, you preferred to sit in the shoe department
while I went to try on whatever it was I thought I had to have
and then parade it persuasively in the shoe department
for you to see.

And I remember singing hymns on the way to the Lake
and how much you loved being with family
-- how very much you loved your family.

Dearest mommy
I lost you a long time ago
but I remember.

And while you are in heaven, mommy, give daddy a hug from me and kiss my sweetheart and then I expect you will be watching Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy and knowing all the answers OR playing bridge and eating Cheese Nibs and drinking scotch.

At least, I hope so.

Conjoined Twins

Angel, I want to kill my twin;
she is a drain
always moping and sighing
I do not want to shoulder her burdens or
take on her thoughts on as my own.

Angel, we were born together,
with the same blue eyes on the world
but without the same view of its contents.
I do not see why she should have an opinion
she so scared and awkward and shy
she so poorly suited to this dog eat dog life.

Angel, find me a surgeon to separate us
take out half my brain
give her an arm and a leg
let her have the pain and fear
leave me the bright ideas and the courage.
Give her the nagging reminders of “what if” and “I can’t”
and leave me with “I will” and “I can”.

Angel, find a targeted poison I can swallow
that will kill her ugly thoughts
and leave me the saintly ones.
I have been struggling with her my whole life
cut us apart, Angel, but leave me the heart
and make sure she is the one that dies
because there is little time left.